Mrs Blade part deux

The continuing adventures of Mrs Blade.

OK, back to 1976 ish. Lovely hotel, South coast of England; must be Hove actually.

Mrs Blade, one of four permanent residents, all of whom think they are blessed with superpowers, demands to see the Manager. That'll be me then.

 

We slide into the office tucked away behind reception, because the corridor to a hotel manager's office is very often crammed with stuff, and it's difficult to get in.

 

Mrs Blade sits precariously on the front of the seat on the other side of my old desk, as if she thinks she might be leaning on wet paint if she sits back.

 

“I want to report Mrs Sniff” Mrs Blade said.

 

Now Mrs Sniff was our bolshy housekeeper. Battle axe doesn't do her justice. If she'd been around when they made the Harry Potter movies she would have been on the he who can't be mentioned's side. Even he'd have been scared of her.

 

“What seems to be the problem?” I replied in my most sympathetic voice.

 

“Its very delicate”, she said.

 

“What is?” I asked.

 

“My knickers have been stolen” she said.

 

This was a puzzle. Not least because the idea of Miss Sniff wearing Mrs Wade's knickers was ridiculous. Mrs Blade was probably a size 8 whilst Miss Sniff was at least an 18.

 

“What would she want to steal them for, I mean she wouldn't be able to wear them would she?”

 

Mrs Blade was appalled that I should question her integrity. Maybe I shouldn't have been smiling just a little. Not professional at all. To make matters worse I asked whether Mrs Blade thought that perhaps Miss Sniff would be using them as a hanky. The mind boggles.